Retirement for Two by Maryanne Vandervelde

Author:Maryanne Vandervelde
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Nonfiction
ISBN: 9780307418302
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2007-12-18T00:00:00+00:00

“What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?”

Pets also help us get some needed exercise—walking them, feeding them, bathing them, stooping to touch them, and cleaning up after them. In addition, they keep us from becoming too self-involved because they force us to realize that other beings have lives and needs too.

Obstacles to Travel and Freedom

During their working years, most people are pretty much tied to their house anyway, but retirees who have looked forward to their newfound freedom quickly realize that a pet is an impediment as well as a joy. Most mature people feel responsibility for their animals because those little creatures cannot take care of themselves, so they may have to leave a daylong conference on yoga to walk the dog. They cannot fly to San Francisco for the week without getting someone to feed the cat. If they go to Europe for a month or two, they’d better have a good backup system for their pet or they’ll be too guilty to enjoy the trip.

If your partner proposes a trip or another activity when you’re worried about a sick animal, you may refuse to go, and that can create conflict. In fact, you’ll probably restrict a lot of your activities in retirement if you have a pet—or two, or three. Only you can decide whether your human relationship can handle it and whether the sacrifices are worth it.

If both partners agree in wanting pets and work together in caring for them, these issues can usually be resolved. But if two people have different attitudes about owning pets or taking care of them, compromises may be difficult. For example, it is hard for one person who was raised only with outdoor animals to tolerate a partner who learned to cuddle pets on a sofa in a city apartment. And when a pet favors one person over another, jealousy from the ignored person toward the pet can be a dangerous part of the equation.

Jake came into his second marriage with a six-year-old boxer named Rocky. He had just retired when his first wife died; his kids were gone from the house, and he was incredibly lonely. He bought the dog within three months “for company,” and the two males were tightly bonded.

Jake and Alice dated for almost two years, but they never lived together before they decided to marry. The nights they did spend together were always at her place. A few times Jake tried to include Rocky on their dates. For example, he brought the dog for walks in the park, and Rocky was friendly to Alice at first, but she ignored him and frequently suggested that Jake leave him in the car. Alice had had dogs when her children were growing up, but they were small poodles—very different from this hulking, undisciplined animal.

They returned from their honeymoon to his house, exhausted, on a Saturday night. Sunday morning, while Jake was in the shower, Rocky bounded up the stairs and landed on the bed with all fours, straddling Alice.

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